-> 2010 -> German Cars are Rubbish say Islay Car Testers

Diciadain, 27/Jan/2010

German Cars are Rubbish say Islay Car Testers

Islay News in stencil

Following their crushing defeat by Taiwanese and even English whiskies in a recent whisky blind tasting several Islay distillers have decided to try new career options. To start with they completed a stint as car testers on Islay's unforgiving roads. In this test they were to find out which country makes the best car for young families:

To complete the stringent test our new testers (who all qualify because they once had or may be at some point will have a young family) were given four cars from Korea (Hyundai), the United States (Ford), Japan (Honda) and Germany (Porsche). The results turned out to be a huge shock. Jeremy C. was heard saying as the news broke ‘Is this some April fools joke?’

Quite sensationally the Hyundai Santa Fe won the test with 39.834976 points out of a possible 51! Says Duncan M.:

I could fit in my family, David M and even half of our Ford Model AA! And there was still space for a Clyde puffer funnel!

Second came the Honda FR-V with 28.4599876 points while the Ford S-MAX came third with 25.3417876 points.

But the real shock was the performance of the German car: The Porsche Boxter Spyder came last with 3.14159265 points! Say testers Jim M. and Mark R.:

Once my daughter had joined me in the car we couldn't fit anyone else in! There wasn't even space for a few bottles of Octomore! What good is a car like that for? A car like that should have better remained on the drawing board!

My wife screamed in fear at the acceleration! It was a quite bumpy ride on our single track Islay road! Not a smooth experience at all!

Following these astonishing results we now fully expect the news and blogs to be full of headlines like ‘Korean car Wins over German car in Shocking Test’ and ‘Auto aus Korea schlägt Deutsche Rivalen’ (Car from Korea beats German rivals).

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